ADDICTED

I knew since the beginning I was walking into a dangerous territory; I couldn’t resist finding out if the urban stories about it were true. I refused to do it in the first place but the temptation that was flirting with me for the last months was sitting in front of me carrying a huge invisible banner that said: “Take me!” and so I did.

I was scared but as soon as I start feeling the blood flowing through my veins, my heartbeat increased and the acute sensation in my body was taking over my mind and my will power that I decided to surrender before its peculiar charm. It was a great experience I can’t deny it but its bitter sweet aftertaste keeps me wonder if it was worth it.

When I’m under its influence I feel like I’m the best in the world, like I can’t be better and I can stay around it for the rest of my life. When I’m not close to it, I’m “okay”. I know there is something missing but I know I can survive without that thing but… let’s talk when I’m in between those two stages: I’m miserable.

I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight, I can’t stay by myself because I feel I’d go crazy without it and that’s when I run again to get some more. I just can’t keep living this way and when I finally decided to stay away from it. Something else happens and the temptation it’s back again in front of my eyes.

Seriously, I can’t take this anymore; I can’t be pushed away from my life just because of this. I’m tired and I’m sick and I’m just realizing there is no rehab program for my condition. I can’t be around this drug anymore; I have to be strong… I think I'll be better off without you.